50 דייטים, 50 ימים, 50 מדינות: מארי סטוארט נואל יצאה למסע דייטים באמריקה

Ido Kenan: Tell me about yourself — Age, what state you live in, and how you got to be publisher and editor of Massachusetts’ Singles Magazine.
Marie Stuart Noel: “My name is Marie Stuart Noel, 27 years old and I live in Massachusetts, USA. I decided to publish a Massachusetts’ Singles Magazine after I noticed that the Boston unmarried consumers were being overlooked by many local businesses.”

Before that woman asked you to showcase yourself, did it ever bother you that you help people find their partners but you yourself are still single?
“It never bothered me that I was single. I dated quite frequently prior to embarking on my quest. I’ve had so many first dates that I’ve been nicknamed ‘Serial Dater.'”

When was your last relationship? When was your last date before going on this mission?
“My last serious relationship ended early Summer 2008. I knew my ex for many years prior to dating him. Our relationship ended shortly after he came home from his second tour of duty in Kuwait.”

If I understand correctly, the dating was just for the sake of the mission, one date for each person, and you didn’t mean to go any further, be intimate with them, go on a second date etc. Is that correct? If so, didn’t the guys mind going on a date they knew was futile? And what if you dated someone and really liked him, would you have quit the mission for the chance of true love? Was there anyone like that among all the guys you dated? Will you contact any of them to see if they’ll date you again? Did any of them ask you to go on another date? Will you go out with them?
“Though the purpose of my trip was to date all 50 states, I was genuinely looking to make a connection with someone. I did meet four people who I promised second dates to. So far, I’ve had two second dates with two of the guys and I’m waiting to see the other two guys again.

“Many of the men who canceled dates with me while I was on the road, did feel that going on a date with me was a waste of time. I suspected it was because most of them were simply looking for sex and did not take my dating quest seriously.”

Tell me about the most interesting, funny, touching, exciting, and scary dates you’ve had — the more anecdotes the better.
“Someone in Oklahoma started to follow me from the movie theater, to dinner and to my hotel room.
The guy in Georgia wanted to drive to Alabama to see me again the next day.
The man in Arkansas was the sweetest guy I met on the journey. After meeting him, I felt like spending 24 hours in a state wasn’t enough to really get to know someone.
I met my Maryland date at the home improvement store where he works as a manager. I waited for him at a nearby restaurant until he got off work.
I missed my plane on my way to Alaska and freaked out about it.
My funniest date was my West Virginia date. He joked around all night about sports, food and my journey.”

What have you learned from your quest about men, the different states, and dating in general?
“I learned that men are not as complicated as women think.
Each U.S. regions are very different from one another. The southern states were the friendliest. The mid western states were very laid back but many lacked cultural tolerance. I live the east and I think people here move in such fast pace that they rarely stop to just relax. The western states were, in my opinion, the most aggressive.
I learned that dating is what you make it. When going on dates, it’s best to keep a neutral state of mind. Don’t go in with high expectations or judgemental thoughts.”

After going on so many dates, what are your top 10 DOs and DON’Ts for dating?
“These are DOs and DON’Ts for first dates:
Top 10 DOs

Keep a close watch on your drinks and meal
Wear comfortable clothing
Find something nice to compliment your date on
Be humorous
Try to make the best of any situation
Listen and participate in the conversation as needed
Be honest
Be prepared to find something else to do if the initial activity falls through
Be positive
Do let a friend or family member know about your dating plans

Top 10 DON’Ts
Don’t drink heavily
Don’t ever go to the restroom in the middle of dinner or right as your meal/drink is being brought to the table
Don’t get in your date’s car, unless you knew him/her prior
Avoid sleeping with your date on the first date
Don’t talk about past relationships
Avoid being aggressive i.e, unnecessary touching
Don’t order your date’s meal
Don’t use your phone (no texting either)
Don’t take things too seriously
Don’t be late”

What surprised you in the dating scene, and what was exactly as you thought it would be?
“What surprised me was the silly ruse many of the men used to tried to get me to go to bed with them. I’m aware that many of the men would be expecting sex but most of them were just pitiful.”

Can you elaborate on that?
“My North Carolina date was so “concerned” for my well-being that he invited me to his apartment for an afternoon nap after lunch.
My Minnesota date insisted on going into my hotel room, to which I declined. He, then, asked to use the bathroom inside of my room. I allowed him in the bathroom but I notified the front desk clerk and kept my hotel room door open as he used the bathroom. After he was done, he told me that I was no fun at all and left.”

Has this quest made you pessimistic or optimistic about the dating scene?
“Honestly, it has made me cynical. I think many people are so shortsighted that they make dating way more difficult than it is.”

“It has made me cynical” – Might it be because you are in the business of dating, or do you believe other people feel that as well? And if you’re cynical about it, how can you convince your readers and students to give love a chance?
“I know that dating 50 men in 40 days was a bit extreme. Many factors have contributed to my cynical feeling. I was rushing from states to dates with very little sleep, long driving hours, and a poor diet. I did not spend enough time with many of my suitors to make an accurate assessment of the dates (not that I’m very judgmental). Now that I’ve been home, thinking about each individual date, I am cynical about those dates. I doubt any of my clients will ever go on a dating marathon such as mine. The most people they’ll ever date at once will be during a speed dating event. I always tell my clients to keep an open mind and always begin a new date with a neutral, non-judgmental state of mind.
I haven’t really seen anyone new since I’ve been back home. I’m certain my cynical view of the dating scene will go away as soon as I get back into the groove.”

“They make dating way more difficult than it is.” Can you explain what you mean by that?
“Dating should be fun and no pressure. Most people either have too much expectations from a first date or they are so concerned about their own agenda, that they make dating hard. The purpose of a first date is to learn about the other person and have fun. Simple enough but many people get it wrong.”

You wrote you’re too busy finding a partner. Have you set a goal, or are you just gonna live your life and see what happens?
“I am quite busy. I run the magazine along with three part-time employees. I do one-one consulting and I teach a seminar. In my case, I find that it’s easy to meet men but it’s hard to find someone that I’m compatible with. I keep an open-mind and hopefully I’ll find the right man for me.”

What comments did you get about your journey from friends and family, the magazine’s readers and people who read your blog?
“My father was very concerned for my safety and felt that it was a foolish task to take on. My mother supported me but wanted me to come home when the Oklahoma guy started stalking me. My siblings thought it was cool and that I was adventurous. I don’t have many friends but the very few I have did not support me at all. Actually, many of my acquaintances never got in touch with me during the journey. Most of them became interested in my quest after I received some local press. My readers emailed some very kind and encouraging letters.”

My editor asked me to ask you for more detailed anecdotes from your dates. If you have some that are detailed on your blog, feel free to save yourself time and just copy and paste it from there, or send me links to the specific blog-posts.
“I accidentally killed a bird on my way to Florida
I ran out of gas during a rainy night in La Junta, Colorado. It was getting dark, I just wanted to get to my hotel room and rest. Also, I had no idea there wouldn’t be a gas station for at least 50 miles.”

How would you define the goal of your journey? Do you believe you achieved that goal?
“I had three goals
1. To meet someone I was compatible with. I am not sure If I found him since I haven’t had a second dates with two of the guys.
2. To raise $5,000 for Save the Children ($100 per U.S. states) by the time I ended my trip. I did not reach my fundraising goal but I am still actively trying to raise the remaining funds.
3. Complete the journey and write a book about it. I did complete the journey and I just finished the first draft of the book.”

Out of 50 planned dates, only 4 made it to a second date. Do you think one date is enough to get to know a person and decide if he’s worth another shot? Or would you recommend people go on a second date anyway, to give love another chance even if the first date was not perfect? Maybe a second date allows both sides […]
“I think one date is enough to know if there is some compatibility. However, one good first date doesn’t necessarily mean that he/she is the one.
If you feel that certain factors beyond your control affected a not so perfect date, I say try a second date.”

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